HOW STUPID I AM!!! :(

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It’s… felt odd. Yeah, felt odd. Why could I be trapped in that story? The story which actually I have never known his roots and now, I must be follow to solve this story.

At first I had never known all of you, so do you, had not known me. We didn’t know each other … Instead I don’t remember what the reason of closeness between me with him, her and also her. Until they finally, you allow me to read every page of your story, and then asked me to improve the content of the pages that odd taste. The question is: Why should I be involved in that story? Huh…..??? can you answer…? (no)

I had never felt an objection if there’s a friend who wants to tell their story to me. I was even glad, because it means they trust me, right!?

But … why is this different? I objected, I think even if I could turn time to back, I will choose to have never known you, so I will not be dragged into that story…

Is it because my feelings also come into play in that story? I hope that’s not the answer. But why do I feel different from when nearby him… Love? No, absolutely not. At least, I think it is not ‘love’. May be it will be more appropriate if I use the word “dear”. I dear him as a friend, friendship, or even as a brother.

I’m glad when I’m nearby him. But, it has never held as for long time. Because I know, he has someone or even more, that the more love than I am. And they also my friends! They are also my friends who always share to me when they have problems, especially the problem with ‘him’. I    JUST LOOK SO STUPID to listen the three of my friends were told and the story only about one another! Imagine how stupid I was… I had to help their problem, always like that…. without they ever asking how my feeling is!? Or just allow me to open myself. But they never do it, when they come to me, they’re just busy telling their own problems. I hate …. I look more stupid. T_T

Until the end I decided that my feelings will not come into play in the story. I GIVE UP …. I’m afraid to feel ‘sick’. I don’t want to feel ‘sick’ which so far that I always think it is the foolish disease in the world. Huh …

Ok… but It’s the happiest one month that I ever had. The last 18th of oct, I ever said that, it’s the happiest day in this year, but now 19th of nov still the same year absolutely, I say that it’s the worse day in my life.😦

Huft… I like Cinderella, a poor girl who was given the opportunity for some time to feel what she has not been felt. But it seems I’m more unlucky than Cinderella. Cinderella was given the opportunity to ride pumpkin train and dance with the prince for several times. He really felt happy with her few hours. But I was given one month until I have to know everything. But you know, I also have to end it. In one month, not only happiness but also scratches the wound, damage what is usually called by people with the word ‘heart’.

Actually this is not a big blow from a trip that will still long for me to go. These are just small pebbles who accidentally to trample down and make a slight leg injury.

But here I realized one thing. I learned my lesson (*jerah)  [……………………] It will not be anymore. Not mean that I promise to [………………………..]. but it will not be as easy as before-being before. The smart people will not fall to the same hole for the second time, right!?

Suddenly, I remember my mother’s proverb. Mama always teachs me to be a strong, intelligent and independent girl. She wants me to be like her, and I’ll be … COME ON TIARA, come back to the initial plan, to be like what my mom wanted.

2 responses »

  1. there are too many hidden words in your post… why? be ashamed? dont be… dont need to be except they are kinda naughty words. but i dont think they are.
    hey u have a nice blog u know…

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