BangkaTengah, 2/2/21
Ini semacam konflik antara kepercayaan diri dan harga diri.
Sesungguhnya aku tidak begitu percaya diri akan kemampuanku menjadi “ibu rumah tangga” (housewife). You know… As a wife who serve my husband, yg ngatur semua isi rumah, dan juga seorang ibu dari anak manusia yg sekarang masih berpredikat baby TANPA bantuan asisten rumah tangga/babysitter/ortu yg selama ini mencukupi kebutuhanku bahkan memberikan kasih sayangnya kepada putriku melebihi yg aku kasih. But since I moved to another country, live where my husband stay. And YESSS, actually I am not confident, nervous, and super panic right now.
But,
my super ego and my pride as a person who used to do anything by myself ga bisa bilang “ga bisa”. It is something that I have to choose and take, isn’t it? Masa’ iya sih gua ga mampu. Bersih2 doang, masak2 doang, nata rumah doang, jagain baby sendiri, kasihi suami sendiri juga.
Well, I HAVE TO CONFESS that they are all new for me. I used to take care of myself, work as my passion, manage all of my own, and do as my own deadline.
But now I have to realize when I concern with people beside me, there will be so many “X factors” that I can find. Because it’s not only about me anymore. They can’t be always do as my expectations.